There is no dog

I despise the phrase “God-fearing Christian.” If you are such a good Christian, what the hell do you have to fear? You should welcome God, not fear him. Invite that sumbitch over for tea and crumpets. That way you can regale him with tales of all the good you’ve done in his name, like tell people they are going to hell because they don’t have a “W” sticker in their back window or calling for the assassination of the president of Venezuela on national TV. If anybody should fear god, it would be atheists. But you never hear the phrase “God-fearing atheist.” That should be an atheist’s biggest fear. Someone just sitting around, having a beer with their buddies talking about their fantasy football team when lightning flashes, thunder crashes, the clouds open up, and a gigantic finger comes down from the heaven and taps him on the shoulder *slowly cranes his head upward* “Oh, fuck….”