Lunestacy

Lunesta is the new sleep aid from Sepracor. It is being rolled out through a slick ad campaign with some really nifty little commercials. At the end of the commercial, they have one of those fast-talking disclaimers that ends with “Side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, drowsiness and dizziness.” First of all – unpleasant taste is a side effect now? How is it that Clamato Juice can be sold without that disclaimer? I mean sure… on the surface, a combination of clams and tomatoes sounds like a match made in heaven. However, approximately 90% of the people I know that have used Clamato in the past have experienced this horrible side effect. Approximately 50% experienced vomiting. These are statistically significant results that the FDA needs to be made aware of. Finally, and most importantly, why in god’s name is drowsiness a SIDE EFFECT of a SLEEP AID? It kinda seems like A-number-1 effect of a sleep aid. That’s like seeing a commercial for chemotherapy and hearing “Side effects may include vomiting, hair loss, and death of cancer cells.” Drowsiness should not take anyone by surprise. If you are the kind of person who would say “I just wanted to catch some Zs, so I took this pill and the damn thing made me sleepy!” I want you to do us all a favor. Go to the doctor, get a prescription for Lunesta, and then take the whole bottle at once. Swallowing 30 pills at once can be tricky so wash it down with a fifth of Jack Daniels if you need to. I promise you it will be the best sleep you’ve ever had. Side effects may include intense euphoria, followed by extreme drowsiness, and immediate added depth to the human gene pool.