Musings on Gatlinburg

There are only 5 kinds of stores in Gatlinburg:

1. Wacky T-Shirts; including one "I'm too sexy for my..." shirt.

2. God stores; walked into one with Michiya (Shinto-Buddhist). We nearly caught on fire

3. Taffy/Fudge/Candy/Ice Cream

4. Engraving - Wood, crystal, pennies, etc.

5. Old Tyme Photos



If you can get a 2 bedroom jacuzzi room for under $50/night, you need to stay at a nicer hotel.



I don't care if you are driving around in your dad's Audi, if you are 15 and wearing a do rag, not even hookers will give you the time of day if you whistle at them.



Apparently all hotels in Pidgeon Forge have a special bible that reads "And on the seventh day, God rested... and DROVE GO-KARTS." I say that out of jealousy, too, because the go-carts were moving 5x faster than any car through town.



We counted 5 different locations that offered "Old Tyme Photos and Weddings." Of those two things, shouldn't the wedding get top billing there. Secondly, Five stores?! Are there really enough people who want to get married wearing a fake moustache and assless chaps over their jeans to warrant five options? Shouldn't the free market have taken care of this already?



Landlords should not warn you about bears nearby and then not provide screens on ground floor bedrooms. I was left with the choice of roasting while I slept or being eaten by a godless killing machine.



I can't pretend I'm not a little jealous of people who are secure enough with themselves to wear a shirt that declares how sexy they are as they waddle down the street eating fried twinkies.